by Jon Roberts, April 15, 2015
I have been meaning to write you for what feels like years but have been getting a good bit of adversity, or so it would feel. Even the last note I sent was rushed and it felt as though I barely got the pass off before I was tackled. I even came to the public library today to write this as not to be bothered, we’ll see how that goes, lol.
Anyway, I know I won’t be able to get everything I need to get out, out right now at least but I have been following your posts as always and wanted to get in on this Portrait of a Light Warrior. I was hoping to get to you between Daniel (sorry, don’t know how to do the dots)/Travis and Jerry/Rob, seeing as my age is more in the middle at 35 yrs.
I don’t feel like I have had the typical light warrior path, but are any of them? I feel I made/make more mistakes than most. For I have been plagued by addictions, ran with harlots and been in more bar fights than I can even remember or care to admit. Even my mystical experiences as child were marked by entities with horns and goats feet. I mean, I could write an encyclopedia on all my fuck-ups, they are so vast. So what business does someone like that have in the Ascension process, one would wonder, as did I. All I know is that regardless of what dumb shit I have done, I prayed with all my heart to be a part of it (the ascension of Gaia) and make the world a better place, that’s it. But the thing is, I meant it, really meant it and did not care what dark deals had been made in the past, I was going into the light or gonna die trying, it was that simple.
Now, I have had my share of wild “mystical experiences” (like that piece, “The Fear In The Darkness” I sent you a while back) and I listen to all these channeled messages say all this fancy stuff but for me, I can only remember one time in my life when my higher self spoke to me in a clear audible voice inside my head. It happened to me when I was about 10 years old and watching a sunset on the farm I grew up on. The message was simple enough, “You Are A God” it said, and that was all. Now at the time, much like now, it felt laughable. I thought, I maybe a God, but I hadn’t better be late for dinner or I will get dragged in by my ear lobes. How many gods get dragged around by their ear lobes?
Man, was I confused at the same time, I could feel the reptilian presence of my family. I remember being a kid and partially figuring it out in meditations. I would close my eyes and my vision would change to that of a snake, I could even feel my belly on the ground and all the vibrations around me… and it was weird. But I wanted the TRUTH, so bad, I wanted the truth which felt like it was in every place except for where I looked. I knew it was all around me but I just couldn’t see it.
Now, I was raised Roman Catholic and later Presbyterian, so I tried in vain to find truth in Jesus Christ. I totally gave my power away, felt unworthy (that was easy enough), and traded the Truth of God within for the Lies and Suffering without. I thought I could not get to heaven with out the blood of Jesus Christ, without his DEATH, I was nothing, unable to be saved and damned to hell for being an unworthy sinner.
Later, the logic started piling up on me. My soul was just battering me with questions:
How do aliens from other planets get to heaven if they don’t have Jesus?
Did Heaven only begin 2000 years ago since there was no Jesus to get anyone into heaven before that?
Why do all these people seem so fake and/or dark? Is there such a thing as fake light? How can you fake light? What the fuck is going on?
Then there was Catholic School at Assumption BVM, which I always abbreviated Ass. BVM. I was expelled for various reasons but it was all dumb shit. The Priest (Father Graff) told my mother I was possessed by the devil. Seriously, he wanted to exercise me and all of this absolutely broke my mother’s heart. I could really go on for hours, but the important thing here is that I was told I was possessed by the devil as an 11-year-old kid by a Catholic Priest, who well, I won’t even speculate on right now. All this before I was even sent to Military School… I have underestimated this article or “portrait”, which really should be more of a book but hope these snippets helpful on some level.
I guess the real reason I was urged to write this is because of something that Jerry said knocked something loose in my brain. It was something about not giving you power away.
Now, I have nothing but respect for the masters, seeing that they are indeed the masters. This is what I wanted to talk about. I really want to believe in them, and do, but it is all so reminiscent of how I felt with the whole Jesus Christ thing except now instead of invoking J.C. to save my unworthy ass, I invoke Serapis Bey or St. Germain or Lord Lanto or this flame or that flame or this Archangel or that Elohim but really, after everything, there are only two “people” I really trust – Me and God. And I’m not so sure about the “me” part. But I do know this, there is a small slice of the creator inside me (all of us) and I am going to find it.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think these masters, if they are really masters, would want us to trust them blindly, after all, there has been more than one false light campaign over the years. Like Jerry said, all this feels like giving your power away. Again, I mean no disrespect to any of the Masters, Arc Angels or any other well-intentioned being of light. But for fuck’s sake, we gotta quit waiting around to be saved. I would say it’s more our battle as we are the ones incarnated here to do the job. The masters already earned their stripes and are thus Masters and not incarnated here, as we are.
I’m not saying not to use the flames or call on the masters, but just to be careful, ask for ID, and be cognizant of the vibrations. No doubt, there are those who would like to see us fail (they got to my website). But we won’t, we are Planetary Ascension Team and we will Ascend this planet in this life or the next. And if the Ascension kills us, and it may, I for one will be praying to that sliver of God/ Source/All-That-Is hiding somewhere inside me, simply, for a good death.
Last night I about pissed myself when I read Rob’s comment: “illusiamnesia” (amnesia from the state of illusion). That so made my day, thanks Rob.