The Lonely Path of a Crystalline Child

by Madge Midgely (Mandie), June 21, 2013

What lovely insights have flooded in to you/ us!

I would like to tell Daniel that his article was insightful to some about his generation… and I was blasted with a feeling that we have all had that feeling, repetitively over time. “The postponed mission due to lack of cooperation needed.”

To share a little bit about my past, my “dream” growing up; was to go to Second City Comedy Conservatory, get cast on Saturday Night Live, and to be the first female to come off of that show and have a successful career in comedy and drama. A lady still hasn’t done it…

The summer after my junior year in HS, I had an audition in NYC at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts… on my way so I thought. I was staying with relatives during this trip, who firmly have just the sort of Orion Standard as we all gape and shake our heads at… “The ONLY REAL CAREERS are Medicine and Law.”  Needless to say, she caused me to miss my audition and then take me to a Broadway production of Miss Saigon. WHAT?!?

It took years of forgiveness and pummeling into what it all meant. Default of plans ended me up for a semester of Christian College on a scholarship by some reps who liked my honesty. As a once good student, I could no longer focus in the classroom, especially tucked inside a close minded bubble of supposedly spiritual peers. I wondered for 6 months how I ended up so far from where I intended to go. Meanwhile I had some amazing spiritual awakening, but it was not church related… It was more like a moment when I understood Christ Consciousness, and that there was no Savior to wait on but myself. This distracted my focus even more. I became obsessed with feeding the homeless, because when I saw them, I knew I was doing energy work by just being there, and not proselytizing. School didn’t work out. I had a 0.0 GPA.

I rambled my way to San Francisco to try massage school. A far cry from NYC and Kansas and Wyoming. I had a strong unfostered interest in Holistic health, and wellness and had started doing healing work with my hands when I was about 15. This seemed like perhaps, a step in a direction, less infiltrated as it is in this present time. Energy work made me very sick. People are all over the place with their energy, and the grounding techniques we were taught, were helpful, but not enough.

I was open all the time. I would hear the inner dialogue of other people, and write about them as I sat across from them on the train. After three episodes of having to restart the massage program I finally dropped out.

Life just kept handing me the most cinematic and story worthy stories, while keeping me safe, and telling me where to go in service.

I have been called to observe the drug scene, the dance/rave scene, the new age festivals, the rock shows, the pop shit, the heavy metal, the country and the Christian…..  I sit at pubs for a beer and to read a book, or paint a picture, or write something… always available for that one person, who wants to talk about something deeper than the weather or my cleavage. At the end of the day, the crowds are disappointing. But there is always, another “One.”  And they find me, or I find them, and it happens through some sort of code we use when we speak to one another. Here we are “strangers in the middle of chaos.”

As a writer, performer, artist… I am also an expert observer, and something about “forced organization”  just doesn’t fit. It doesn’t seem organic. No matter how deep the external parades itself to be; it becomes like most out going woman you know asking some random woman in a bathroom…( which may be as intimate as it gets for most…) by tapping said random woman on the shoulder to ask for a tampon, while avoiding eye contact and acting disgusted…

It’s like that. All this parading as deep or invincible and avoiding the vulnerabilities, which are constantly teaching us how to strengthen ourselves for REAL.

Everything in life has put me on a spiritual path toward slaying through bullshit. Most of it is bullshit. But there is a lot of beauty and humor to be had a long the way. With out forcing; it clashes and collides with itself, with such incredible accuracy and whimsy. I am thankful to my Higher Self and to the HS of those I interact with, who are aware. Thank you for making life easier and more bearable. In the duality, it is that place I run to which speaks from Truth and Understanding, but also a relatable sense of humor.

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