by April Bender and Georgi Stankov, April 21,2013
First, let me thank you for your warm and encouraging message and also for forwarding me the beautiful words of Carla, Laura, and Maria. I also received additional notes from Travis, Joe, and Daniel as well. And I must also say that Dorie’s latest HS message was very moving too. I love that woman!
After sitting with everyone’s kind and heartfelt words, I realized that yes, I probably did over-react a bit and I do apologize for that. But as I explained to Daniel, a very deep nerve was struck within me, that of rejection and abuse from my original childhood family, that culminated in the accidental drug overdose of my brother in January. I can be strong and let things roll off my back when it’s outsiders commenting harshly, but it’s much more difficult when it’s people I love and respect so very much – my family.
I also want to mention I had to laugh at your recommendation to block or let go of emotion. You see, I’m a “feeler” first and foremost. My way into my senses, intuition and visions are through feelings. I can literally travel through them to the source of blockage or restraint in both myself and in others. So for me, not feeling is like you asking me to not breathe. My visionary capabilities came online much later, and were as a result of mastering and balancing the emotional realm. Obviously I still have a little work to do here, but others should note that there are other PAT members like me, who sense and interpret the world through their gift of acute feeling.
My greatest ability is not my channeling ability, but is my propensity for love. It is my greatest gift and my greatest curse. In fact, my brother told several of his friends that, “my sister has the purest hearts of anyone I’ve ever known.” That one really choked me up when I heard it. Yet, I could not help him with his pain, darkness, and confusion. Everything in life, all other emotions, seem to boil down to one either feeling/expressing love, or the lack of it. Love not in it’s anemic and/or cheesy sense, but love in it’s true, expanded, universal supportive/foundational sense – that of divine unity.
I also realized in the last couple of days, especially with the help of Joe, that I’ve taken my channeling ability for granted. You see, I’m a pretty humble person, Georgi, and I’ve had to work really hard to stay/stand in my empowerment throughout my life. You and the PAT have helped me tremendously with this. But I make the incorrect assumption that everyone can channel their HS and so what I do is not all that unique or special. I forget that it’s harder for some than for others depending upon where their gifts, senses, and talents lie. Just like me being that of a feeler, and asking folks to take a little “care” with us feelers, I also had to realize that some are “grounders” and therefore it’s harder for them to connect to HS in that same way. It’s totally possible, but a bit more challenging. Joe made me realize just how callous I was in my own words to him, where I suggested that it would be healthy and good for others to step up and channel. But his wonderful “grounding” ability, his energy and words, gently woke me up from my incorrect assumptions. We all bring something entirely unique to this grand endeavor, and I promise to try and not take my gifts/abilities, or the PAT for granted again. And I would like to apologize to myself and to others for doing precisely that before having my own aha moment.
Thank you also for outlining so eloquently how everything has indeed come together through everyone’s latest contributions. It is indeed completely clear/clarified for me now. I get it. And it does make perfect sense now. But I have to admit that I hate being the lightening rod, I always have, and still think it somewhat cruel that the HRs would put me in this position, over and over again, with the gigantic heart that I have. It seems to me that someone like you, Jerry or Daniel, that while loving are also extremely strong and empowered, would make much more sense to act in this capacity. And how many times have I wished I could be more like you all, though you have inspired me greatly to take more risk and stand taller in my new role as earthkeeper during these last couple of years.
As you were noting the synchronicity of dates and messages this month, I couldn’t help but make the connection that all this happened in the month I was named after, April. Therefore, perhaps it is no coincidence that I was the one selected to bring those turbulent messages forward at this time.
I love you and the PAT so very much, and will do my best to continue to contribute to the group, in the little time that we have left here. I am humbled by self, and by you all.
I’m sorry for rambling on here, but I just wanted to share with you all that I’ve been processing in the last couple of days. I still feel very much that ascension is already at our door, it’s just that final “flip” or “split” physically that we are waiting for, and it is very soon upon us as your most recent messages convey.
Much love, light, and a big hug too,
there is absolutely no need to apologize, quite on the contrary. You have every reason to be proud of you and your courage to take this difficult task on your shoulders and become the conduit of our HS.
Your latest message was of utmost importance in the whole historical mission of the PAT as it served as an eye-opener for all of us by implementing the “method of trial and error”. Precisely – deep insight in incarnated human state can only be gained after a thorough confusion, and most of the time this turbulence is a confusion of our hearts and emotions. This is a basic esoteric rule / truth, which very few New Agers really comprehend and follow in their life.
We all had to be confused first through this obvious, irritating message in order to go fully through our confused emotions of anger, frustration and even depression in order to emerge like a phoenix from the ashes on the other side with a clear mind and be able to realize the importance of the hidden message your HS wanted to convey us through your channeling: Namely that our HS were in the most critical decision-making situation in the whole history of our mission as a PAT and that they wanted us dearly to participate in this decision as a ground crew in a conscious manner.
Now if they would have simply told us the plain truth that they are about to decree upon the implementation of the magnetic pole reversal scenario as ultimo ratio, we would have been degraded to their pawns, as Dorie’s HS suggested in her latest message. This would have been against any pedagogical rule from the HR as to how to couch their incarnated personalities on the ground in order to become sovereign creators and to be able to discern the hidden message of their HS even through the thickest mental and emotional confusion.
In short, our HS informed us through your HS that we must make the most important decision in the history of mankind – to decide about the destiny / the retrieval of one to two billion human souls from the earth in the course of the next month as to push forward the ascension scenario of Gaia and the rest of humanity. This explains why we all were so depressed in our intuitive knowledge about this fact, as Dorie has explained so eloquently in her latest message in the introduction.
This holds true for all of us and explains why we all were so down and blue on April 18 before the final decision was made. And make no mistake, this decision was only possible in its unanimity because we were first confused by your message in due time and started to seek an answer in a most intensive discussion to find out the truth and to come to the final conclusion that this whole ordeal had only on purpose – to make us aware of the huge dilemma, which the still slumbering humanity poses to the HR and make up our minds to go forward with the magnetic pole reversal scenario.
This has been the most difficult decision for us as we all are still human beings, as Moni commented in her email today, and have a huge compassion for our human fellows, notwithstanding our knowledge that when they leave this toxic planet, they will be liberated from their shackles and will enjoy their sojourn in Celestria, in the higher 5th dimension as excarnated entities. But as humans we considered this decision as a kind of a personal fiasco, hence our initial anger and frustration, while this scenario was firmly planned as the last resort /ultimo ratio when all other, smoother alternatives fail to awaken humanity.
This fact was firmly established after the failed ascension test runs last week, between April 13-17 when most of us were knocked down by a series of exhausting, physically and emotionally highly depleting ascension test runs and we were all crawling on our tooth flesh and were prone to such negative feelings as frustration and anger against our HS.
Let me assure you one more time that you have made the greatest service /gift to the PAT with this “check mate” message, so that we could continue our new game stronger than before.
Well done job! You have now every right to be proud of yourself.
I hope that in this way I have also answered the frequent question that was posed to myself in these last few days – why our souls cheat us on a regular basis. Although this question was brilliantly answered by Dorie’s HS in her latest message, it was worth to address this key issue one more time.
We have never been truly cheated by our HS, as upon close scrutiny all information we have received so far was a correct and detailed description of what is happening behind the veil and is not accessible to our limited human minds. But in addition these messages had the pedagogical purpose to open our eyes and stimulate our minds through the method of thorough initial confusion and subsequent enlightenment as to learn more about the intricate strategies of our HS without having the feeling that we are puppets on a string and get all the information in a pre-digested form. Instead, we were urged to actively conquer this realm of transcendental knowledge and make our decision on the magnetic pole reversal scenario in a sovereign manner on the ground and in a full harmony with our HS.
And this act was done, thank to you, in a most convincing manner on April 18, while in the following three days we needed to process and internalize in a deepest and most intimate manner the scope of our historical decision that will change for ever the nature and the destiny of this blue planet and its human population.
And if you look around in the LW community, you will immediately recognize that we are the only conscious and active spiritual decision makers on a cosmic level that walk on two legs on this planet and are fully aware of the magnitude of their decisions.
With love and light