by Travis Brown, November 16, 2014
I would title your letter to me as “The Ascension Pangs of “The Catcher in the Rye” with reference to this iconic book and its major protagonist. This, notwithstanding the fact that the scope of your ascension experiences surpasses with light-years the petty puberty pangs of Salinger’s alter ego Holden Caulfield.
With love and light
Your Nov15 update has me laughing.
“If some idiot…”
Couldn’t agree more and actually last night I couldn’t fall asleep, awake in my bed in the dark having an out-loud diatribe against multiple imagined encounters. With fiery tongue, a calling a fucking idiot just that, and why does the universe have to produce such a completely ignorant useless eater, who spews stupidity and aggression. It was brilliant in retrospect.
I have said several times to ascending friends that I am surprised by the errant belief of ‘enlightened behavior’. How I just want to be Jesus in the temple, over-turning the money-changers’ tables, an outburst of course-correction for the absurdly humanity, or to exact a merciless ending of the lives necessary to create the Ascension condition. My own, anything. Be it so! At once!
On enlightened behavior, I was in a huge warehouse store with my friend, spontaneously acting as if psychotic or possessed, laughing on the ground, dancing like a retarded child. I felt this strong desire to tear down the walls and scream, ‘set fire’ to the world. Seemed like old rules didn’t apply. Anarchy guided into Light. The recklessness was mentally liberating, but I was still hopelessly human. That was a weird afternoon, but I’ve mostly been the opposite – at the end of my rope, trending worse. And it is completely a vibration thing, an illusion all-convincing while I purge what I long ago transcended – hell and more hell – to enter into light body. Seems, it must feel personal to be effective as light-work.
Today? Energy resolved. Surprising lightness and buoyancy. I am at the moment like a light sphere for 3d, but united in infinite no-space. But I tell you what, George, from the bottom of my soul, it is awful, much more often than not. There is tremendous electromagnetic light flow through my body and it is an euphoria incompatible and so constantly discordant with whatever other hell it is that we’re in here.
You recently called-out the ever-rapid jumping between environmental energy signatures, to me like fluid. One dimension or timeline to another, one collective maelstrom of clearing to a light download, something, always. You consistently put words to my experience. This consciousness, the life stream, is quite the trip and what the fuck was I thinking coming here for this? Classic bait-and-switch. Every day gets stranger and stranger.
I prayed last night for something to calm the psychotic desperation/ manifestation of suicidal fantasizing since childhood – in disbelief of how erratic and awful it is on most days. I dreamed again of the same vibration/ world as usual, not sure how to name it, but the Way of that ‘place’ seems consistent. Maybe after ascension. But I really hope, I don’t live there. Coming and going seems fine, but I want to be formless, to be home in God only. To Know finally through experience, this sustained way, nothing like here…” That is the light at the promised end of the tunnel for me.
Right before I awoke, I dreamed from an aerial view, a tidal wave rushing over all of Houston. I saw this several times and was most captivated by how rapidly and deeply it crashed over – like a continent submerging.
At this moment I am fine. Am Well, actually. But yesterday was hope for death, and envisioning opportunities to crossover. Tomorrow, who knows?
I regret that you’re physically wiped out, and Carla too. Believe me, I have Let ‘Em Have It- to the HR, about the conditions, and just how absurd and challenging the psycho/ mental/ emot/ phys combo of chaos is, just about every day. My declarations are edging away from desperation, and stronger now, with clarity through me, like a swift, violent assertion. Every day I feel more dissipated into the higher dimensions, and more disturbed by just what that light influx makes happen through me as an outgoing of the collective consciousness energies.
I certainly have noticed an amazing amount of progress, and as it quickens to the precipice of Go! However many light-years away it often seems. The change is a fact that eludes me when I am overcome with the dread and death knell sounding through my body. As long as I don’t have a gun, I’m going to probably be here. Not to be flippant, but I am really tired of all of this and just want to be completely finished and sometimes not to even exist at all, so this torture of consciousness in the wrong dimension finally stops.